It wasn’t until adulthood that I took a hard look at just how much I limited myself to the safe and the known. It’s in adulthood you say, “I wish I ...”
I do wish I’d played sports more and stopped worrying about whether I was good enough. I was never highly athletic, no sports scholarship here, but I played well enough to get by on whatever team I was on. I only did one year of skiing, one of volleyball and one year of field hockey. However, each one came back as a useful muscle memory I put to use in adulthood.
In college we played intermural broomball! It’s so crazy it’s great. You run around the hockey rink in sneakers chasing after a ball with a broom for a stick! Running in that cold environment gave me quick appreciation for what hockey players experience. Although as I played I over analyzed the whole thing, I did have fun. Despite being on an intermural team with varsity soccer and lacrosse players, I managed to keep up and contribute. No, I never scored, but I did get one really good shot on goal in! And we all had fun! Later, my friend Laura would found the Geneseo women’s lacrosse team. It started as a club sport that year and I remember playing around with her and she said I handled the stick as well as the players on the team. One of my sporting regrets is that I never joined that fledgling team. Sigh.
But I started to learn that I could do whatever anyone else did! So at age 26 I taught myself to play in the water, to hold my breath more naturally, and to be confident goofing around. That same summer I white water rafted for the first (ok, only) time. It was in North Creek on the Hudson. I was nervous. My greatest fear was falling out of the boat. I was terrified it would continue on without me and I would never be able to swim back to it. My ex said that I was white-knuckling it the whole time, but he was still excited for me. Later, we stopped in calm waters and jumped out of the boat by flipping backwards over the side. Once I did that I was no longer afraid of leaving the boat and the rest of the voyage was more relaxed. Still, at the end, that beer and steak celebration was satisfying!
So then I skied! Now, at age 10 I joined ski club at school and dutifuly took my lesson at Mystic Mountain, but I didn’t enjoy it. After the lesson I’d sit in the lodge. Somehow, I learned something, because 20 years later I skied again. I took a lesson at age 30 and my body remembered everything. Right away I was doing the proper Christie turn. The instructor was pleased. I was shocked I remembered! I wasn’t even thinking about it, it just happened. So we chairlifted to the top of West Mountain and I did my best to keep up with everyone and I did okay. I had to fall a lot because every time I got going too fast I didn’t want to lose control. One time I got into a field of little moguls and I rode them out. I’d say the moguls were the best. That time around I wasn’t ready to hang out in the lodge. I wanted to play.
I played volleyball for a few years with some friends of mine. Experienced jumping from a boat into a deep lake. Found going fast in the boat thrilling. Actually rode a tube behind said boat while hanging on for dear life. I was hooting and cheering and had a big dumb goofy smile plastered on my face. It was good. And dammit, I didn’t even over think it!
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